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Family Circle - Testimonials
 
A Spouse's Testimony on Letting Go
by Lorey L.
 
It was 8 years ago, the 7th year of my marriage and the 12th year of my husband Raul’s drug life that I finally decided to let go. For the longest time I was doing “self-medication” to help him get out of his drug problem. I tried all the ways I knew then, from begging, to giving in, to being passive perhaps, everything. Still, he didn’t change. I didn’t like what I see in him and in myself either. Addiction took its toll on him and co- dependency on me. Not knowing what to do anymore and before making that final decision whether I should give up or not. I asked myself. “ Have I really done everything I could?” Certainly, not!

That’s when I sought the help of Seagulls. In my mind, if it fails then I can clearly say to myself that this time I have exhausted all the means to help him.

The decision making came quite easy for me, maybe due to the badly needed time away from him. Seagulls is the place where I know he is safe, where he can be drug free. I knew the process would not be as easy as the decision making. But as they say, it’s the narrow gate that leads to heaven. I can say the program worked very well for him. It is through what I call the “ Seagulls days” that he was able to realize all his wrongdoings. The people he was with, served as a reflection of himself. With the help of the tools of the house, he began to accept that addiction is really a problem. He was able to change negative behaviors, thinking and even feelings he used to have. I can see that he is motivated by his “kuyas” and inspired by the youngers to really take his recovery by heart.

As his co-dependent, I come to T-group almost every Thursday. At first, I come because I know I have to as part of his program aside from the reason that the T-group is my connection to him. Little did I know that it is the connection to my own recovery. It is through the family meetings that I gained a sense of relief, knowing that I am not alone in this battle. Being a newcomer then, I tend to just listen. Even by mere listening to others who came ahead of me gave me a lot of insights. I learned to relate to my problems more openly and without fear of judgment. Seeing senior residents and their families boost the very little hope and optimism I have in me. In turn, I always look forward to the meetings because I know I’ll go home feeling good.

Slowly, I feel I’m breaking free from denial. Finally, I am able to know the difference between helping and enabling. Now I know in my mind and in my heart, that we are both on the road to recovery. We are both in a therapeutic community, both in Seagulls. As I said, the process was never easy as recovery takes a lifetime. Yes, it was 8 yrs. ago but up to this very moment we still continue to live what we have learned. With Raul now doing his share of responsibility as a husband and as a father to my children, truly the next 7 years ( and still counting ) of my marriage is what I can consider the best and most meaningful. Now, I know that letting go could just be the beginning of something beautiful and new. I will be forever thankful to the Lord for bringing us to Seagulls who helped us become aware, equipped us for change, and led us to recovery that resulted to Raul’s sobriety. Indeed, we will all reap a harvest if we do not stop doing what is good.

 

 

 


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